Overshadow
by ambiencealikw
Summary: For a long time now, Sakura's fake smiles have hidden the growing emptiness in her chest. When the pain and loneliness finally catch up with her, Kakashi tries to help his former student.


Sakura had always been praised for her perfect chakra control. It had been why she was such a quick learner, why training to be a kunoichi had felt as natural as breathing. In the beginning she had been weak, but as her will of fire had grown so had her strength and determination. Arguably, she was now one of the toughest kunoichi in Konoha and yet it wasn't enough. Even now at the age of twenty all she could see were the backs of her far more powerful team mates.

Naruto cast a long shadow. Over the years his power had grown beyond comprehension as he mastered jutsu after jutsu, even inventing several of his own. Sakura had yet to meet anyone who could beat Naruto at his most resolute, a fact compounded by the sheer hundreds of shinobi he had saved during the war, as well as defeating Obito and Madara Uchiha, two of the most powerful opponents Team Seven had ever faced.

He would probably be named Hokage any day now. Sakura had noticed that he had been spending more and more time with Tsunade, and there was a new light of seriousness in his eyes that she had never really seen in him before. When they were genin he had always loudly proclaimed his dream to be Hokage but that mischievous, big-hearted brat had seemed light years away from being able to achieve such a goal.

If only he would finally make a move on Hinata then Sakura might actually believe he had grown up.

Sai was highly skilled in infiltration and battle, having spent so many years in Root being trained as the perfect ninja. Though he was no longer as harsh and unfeeling toward the world, he was still quiet and contemplative. Sakura still didn't feel like she really knew him or what he was capable of. Sometimes he would disappear for weeks on end, presumably taking S Rank or unranked Anbu missions, and he never came back with so much as a scratch on him. His evasion skills were becoming almost legendary amongst the elite ninja of Konoha.

Some small part of Sakura still resented Sai for replacing Sasuke, for being better than the Uchiha, for surviving the war where Sasuke had not.

Finally there was Kakashi, the mysterious masked ninja who was a legend in his own right. The Copy Ninja with his Sharingan Eye and an arsenal of over a thousand jutsus. How could she possibly ever hope to surpass her sensei? Granted, he hadn't technically been her teacher for many years now but she still felt like there was so much knowledge he could impart to her.

She had started watching him more and more often recently, annoyed by the mystery that he represented. Surely after being acquainted with him for so many years now she should be able to say that she knew him well, but it wasn't the case. He was as aloof and distant as he had ever been. His mask hid more than just the lower half of his face.

This had bothered a little when she was a little genin but she had been too focussed on Sasuke to drum up any real indignation. Now, however, there were fewer distractions, and more and more Sakura found her attention drifting to the older man.

Though she hadn't gone out of her way to see him more often, she had started paying more attention when she did see him. Over the past few months she had studied his mannerisms and his interactions with his fellow ninja. He was always polite to people he didn't know very well, though this was only on the rare occasions when he actually noticed them. He was friendly to his comrades, but even them he held at a distance. Mostly, he seemed to be off in his own world, trapped in his own head.

Many times as Sakura crossed the village she passed the Cenotaph and she often saw him there, standing silently in front of it. Over the years she had gathered that it was his family and his team mates that he grieved for, but this was from things she had overheard, never from the man himself. He never talked about his past.

The more she struggled to understand Kakashi and this new feeling towards him, the more she felt dissatisfaction with how her life had turned out.

Much to Ino's disgust, Sakura had never dated. After losing Sasuke, she had lost any interest in the opposite sex. She had thrown herself into training to the point of exhaustion every night after spending a long day healing the injured at the hospital. Sakura would stumble home, eat something, shower and then collapse into bed until she woke up for another day of the same.

Sakura sighed, slowly getting out of her crumpled bed and moving to the window. Pushing the curtain aside, she looked out into her street. The sun was just starting to climb over the horizon, leeching away the darkness as the light moved across the trees. It would be full light in a few minutes.

It was too early for anyone else in her neighbourhood to be awake. It was a mostly civilian area. Sakura had not wanted to move too far away from her parents, but had needed some independence as she had moved out of her teens. Sometimes she regretted the move. There was something comforting about her childhood home that she had never felt anywhere else. Yet going back there now just didn't feel the same.

She could tell that the monotony of her life was starting to affect her. While she was in great physical shape, the best she had been in her life so far, the loneliness was seeping into her body, day by day gaining more of a stronghold in her heart.

It was rare for her to be sent on missions these days. Team Kakashi was just as strong without her as they were with her, and so they were sent out into the world while she stayed home and healed those who needed it. She saw them whenever they returned from their missions and gave them her best fake smile as they tried to reassure her that she was still an integral part of Team Kakashi, but she knew the truth.

Sakura closed the window again, pushing these thoughts away. She was only feeling melancholy because it was her day off, and she had too much time to think. Training would help.

She went through her morning routine. Shower, dress, food, weapons and out the door.

As always, her feet took her to Training Ground Seven. There was so much of her blood, sweat and her tears in every rock, tree and speck of dirt of this place that it had become a part of her. This was one of the few places where she felt like she truly belonged, and even then it was shadowed with the knowledge that she would never be good enough.

With a cry, Sakura launched herself into a series of kicks and punches against an invisible enemy, throwing her entire body into it. She left a path of destruction in her wake. Trees splintered, crashing to the forest floor. The ground gave way to her superior strength, splitting into large craters. The rocks crumbled into gravel and dust.

Training Ground Seven suffered under her frustration against her team and her own weakness. On and on it went for hours, and yet the emptiness inside of her was only growing. She screamed to the heavens as she flew at the tallest tree, her glowing green fist hitting it with furious strength. The bark shuddered underneath her hand, but the tree held, groaning in protest.

Sakura stilled, staring up at it blankly. Through the thick, tall branches she could see a few glimpses of the sky. Her breath came in gasping whimpers as she struggled to breathe through the pain and loneliness. Her fist loosened and she pressed her palm to the mark she had created on the large tree.

'I'm sorry,' she whispered. She sent a pulse of healing chakra. It probably wouldn't do anything, but it did make her feel a little better.

A loud voice in the distance made her turn around. Quickly identifying it as belonging to Naruto, she ducked behind the tree. A quick glance around her showed that she would still be too vulnerable in this position, so she scaled the tree, finding a comfortable branch about a third of the way up where she could watch her team mates without being discovered.

Sure enough, Naruto and Sai walked to their training ground, arguing loudly, and trailed by Kakashi, was nose was stuck in his book as always.

'Sheesh, what happened here?' Naruto yelled, pointing at the destruction that covered Training Ground Seven.

'A hurricane, perhaps,' Sai suggested. Sakura smiled a little at that, particularly when Naruto seemed to accept this as fact.

The two of them trailed off in search of another training ground in which to spar.

Kakashi didn't follow them.

He had put his book away and was carefully running both of his eyes over the damage. Inevitably, he followed the trail to her tree.

Picking his way through the fallen trees and large craters, Kakashi moved across the field until he stood at the base of the tree. He noticed the wound in the tree immediately and pressed a gloved hand against it.

Unknowingly, he mirrored her earlier position as he looked up through the branches.

In moments he stood in front of her, black and red eyes studying her intently as Sakura stared down at her hands.

'Sakura,' he said gently. 'Is there something wrong?'

She didn't think she could tell her strong, mysterious, attractive former sensei that she was feeling lonely and worthless and frustrated so she said nothing.

He crouched down, reaching forward and placing his hand under her chin. Gently, he coaxed her face up, until her eyes met his. Wordlessly, he studied the emotions as they flashed across her face. Anger, despair, sadness, frustration, loneliness, pain, self-loathing all flickered across her easily read features. He had come to know this little kunoichi quite well over the years, and it was easy for him to see her pain.

Where had it come from? Why was he only noticing it now when it had clearly overwhelmed her?

Sakura refused to break down just because someone was finally seeing her misery. She clenched her hands into fists and focussed on her breathing to force the threatening tears away. She would not be weak, not in front of Kakashi.

'I don't want you to see me like this,' she said in a low, growling voice.

She had been cornered, and now she was raring up, ready to fight her way free. Kakashi noticed the change immediately. He didn't move away from her, only continued to watch her with his knowing and compassionate eyes.

'I'm not going anywhere, Sakura,' he said firmly. Now that he knew that there was something wrong, he would never abandon her.

Again she had to swallow down the lump in her throat. What was it about this man recently that made her feel so unhappy with the status quo that they had all accepted years ago? He hadn't changed his behaviour at all that she could tell, it was as if a light bulb had suddenly gone off in her mind and suddenly her emotions could not be contained.

At first she had watched him, wondering if she was harbouring a crush on him, but somehow it seemed to be more than that, more than the infatuation she had carried for Sasuke all those years. The more she studied him and tried to unravel the truth of him, the deeper she fell into this new emotion.

It grew inside her chest, eclipsing the emptiness that had gripped her earlier. His proximity was starting to affect her. She slumped against the tree, avoiding his gaze as she looked up to the sky again. Why couldn't she get a grip?

Kakashi was losing his patience. Sakura would not look at him and was obviously desperately hurt by something. Was it something that he had done? He searched his mind, trying to remember if he or the boys had done anything to upset her recently. Yet no matter how he examined each of their recent meetings, all he could remember was her smiling.

Though, now that he thought about it, there was something not quite right about that smile. He had seen it before. Kakashi frowned.

With a jolt, he remembered when Sai had first become a part of Team Seven. He had not witnessed their origin meeting, but he had observed them not long after that, discovering that Sai had learnt how to give a reassuring fake smile from Sakura. She was the one who had told him this story, even demonstrating the smile she had given the boy before pummelling him, trying to convince him that he would never fit in with their team.

Recently, she had been using that same fake smile, and he hadn't noticed. She truly was a brilliant actress, but no matter how much she tried to suppress her feelings they would demand to be felt eventually.

Kakashi vowed that he would be paying much closer attention to her from now on.

Still, there was this current dilemma. How to get the truth from her? She seemed determined to hide her face from him and was refusing to tell him what was bothering her. Just demanding answers would probably not get him anywhere. His interrogation would have to be more subtle.

'Come on,' he said, rising to his feet and offering her his hand.

'What?' She asked, her incredulous eyes meeting his determined ones.

'We're going to go have fun,' he said, his tone brooking no argument. She studied him with suspicious green eyes, trying to decipher his strategy.

'Fine' she grumbled after a few moments, slipping her hand into his and allowing him to pull her to her feet. They dropped to the ground and Sakura surveyed the damage she had done to their training ground ruefully.

'I guess I had a bit of a tantrum, didn't I?' She whispered, feeling guilty.

Kakashi didn't answer her. He kept a hold of her hand as he led her through the destruction towards the village. He pulled her into the first bar them came to.

Sakura was surprised as she sat beside Kakashi at the bar and he ordered two bottles of warm sake.

'Are you trying to get me drunk, Kakashi?' She asked, amused, as one of the bottles was set before her.

He just smirked at her as he took his first shot of sake through his mask.

'Keep up, Sakura,' he taunted, already lifting the second up to his mouth.

She watched him a little longer, wondering what he was up to. He had never initiated something like this before. Sakura couldn't remember ever seeing Kakashi drink alcohol before. He never really socialised with their team outside of missions and training and the occasional meal.

She wondered what kind of drunk he would be.

Turning to her own bottle, Sakura poured her first shot and slugged it back, smiling appreciatively as she felt the burn through her chest almost immediately. Already her more melancholy thoughts from earlier were fading as she turned her mind to this new challenge.

Kakashi finished his bottle first, though he seemed to be regretting drinking so much, so quickly. Sakura had let him win with her own inattention. She had been too busy watching him to try and match the speed at which he was swallowing the liquor. As the night had worn on he had opened up and unwittingly started to give her the sort of interaction with him that she had found herself craving so much recently. He had laughed and joked as he told her funny stories, mostly about the ridiculous challenges he and Gai-sensei had participated in.

He was a happy, slightly foolish drunk, but it made Sakura smile to see him so carefree. She found herself grinning in response to his stories as she moved closer and closer to him, until their arms were pressed against each other and he continued to giggle in a rather undignified way.

It was no surprise that he had never drunk in front of his students; he would have lost all of his cool badass reputation at the first drunken giggle. Sakura liked it though. It was sort of… cute? She studied him wryly through the fog of alcohol. Who knew that Kakashi could be cute?

After a while he stopped talking and watched her as she took her time finishing off her own bottle. It was lucky that her side was pressed against Kakashi. She would have been swaying dangerously otherwise.

She finished the last shot and set down her glass with a sigh.

'You won,' she said, turning to Kakashi with a smile. He returned her smile, his eyes creasing in the usual way that he used to demonstrate his happiness. She wanted to see his smile on his lips and so she reached up one shaky hand to grip the top of his mask.

'What are you doing?' He grumbled, smacking her hand away from his face. Somehow she knew he was pouting at her.

'I want to see you smile,' she said, giving him a pout of her own. His eyes dropped down to her lips and he frowned, looking a little puzzled.

He blinked a few times, trying to focus his eyesight.

'I think I'm drunk,' he announced.

'You are very drunk,' she agreed. He clearly could not hold his liquor very well. Very slowly, she got off of her stool, helping him to his feet as well.

Holding each other up, they staggered out of the bar into the dying rays of the sun. Had the rest of the day really passed while they were inside the bar? It hadn't felt like they had been in there talking for so long.

'Now what do we do, genius?' She drawled, turning her fact to look up at him.

He was looking at her as well, and even though he was drunk and felt very unsteady, he was still very determined to find out what had been making her so sad earlier.

'I guess we walk,' he said, turning them to the left.

With a shrug she turned with him and walked by his side. She found that she was enjoying the arm slung over her shoulder and the warmth of him pressed up against her side. Her own arm was around his waist, and she had to consciously prevent her hand from straying. The sake had affected her quite strongly, making it difficult for her to resist her growing attraction to Kakashi.

Sakura didn't pay attention to where they were walking, too lost in her own thoughts, so she was surprised when they came up to the Cenotaph. Kakashi stopped right in front of it, caressing his hand over the stone memorial.

'You still miss them,' she said quietly. He nodded.

They sat down in front of the Cenotaph, still side by side and Sakura looked up at the stone sombrely.

'They remind me a lot of you three,' he began after a while. 'Obito was so loud and obnoxious and determined to get my attention and respect. I was a lot like Sasuke back then, sullen and aloof. Rin, well she was a medic too, though she wasn't as strong as you.'

Sakura listened, surprised by the tenderness and longing in his voice as he spoke of his old team.

'What happened to them?' She asked quietly.

'When I became a jounin, our sensei put me in charge of a mission. It was towards the end of the war so there were enemy Nin everywhere. Rin was captured,' his eyes closed as it played out in his mind once again.

'Obito was in love with her, he said we had to rescue her. I was determined to finish the objective. He told me I was an idiot, told me that my father was a hero for putting his friends ahead of the mission, that there were more important things that following the rules.'

He shook his head ruefully, his sadness almost tangible in the cool evening air.

'By the time I listened it was too late. He went after Rin and I caught up with him, helping to rescue Rin. My eye was destroyed in the attempt. I wasn't quick enough to use Chidori back then.'

'We escaped and fled into a cave, only for it to start to collapse. There was an avalanche of stone and Obito was trapped beneath a large rock. We couldn't move. He was dying,' Kakashi choked out, unable to continue for a moment.

Sakura caught his hand in hers, squeezing it, trying to give him some of her strength. She could feel tears running down her face in response to his pain.

'He told Rin to implant his eye into me so that he could see the future. She did it but before we could properly say goodbye the cave collapsed completely and the two of us only just managed to escape.'

Kakashi stopped talking, bringing one arm up to wipe away the tears on his face. Even all these years later, his friend's death affected him. He sagged against Sakura, feeling the combination of alcohol and sadness sap away at his strength. She pulled him into her arms and ran one hand through his hair soothingly. He was conscious of the fact that he was rather intimately pressed against her chest but couldn't find it in himself to care. It felt nice.

'What happened to Rin?' She asked eventually. This was the question that he had been dreading. If it was painful talking about Obito, then giving the details of Rin's death would be agonising.

'I killed her,' he whispered. His eyes were wide as they had been back then, unable to process the horror that had been his hand, crackling with his lightening chakra, sliding through her chest like butter. The repulsive sucking sound, the nauseating smell of burning flesh, it stayed with him still, even after all these years, haunting his every waking moment and most of his sleeping moments as well.

Despite himself, he had to keep talking now that he had started.

'There were so many enemies. They wanted her, to take her away from me. She begged me to kill her and run. We couldn't both escape, she said. She would sacrifice herself for him. I refused, of course,' he shook his head. As if he could ever kill one of his precious people.

'I threatened them with my Chidori, and she threw herself on my hand, impaling herself right through the chest, and she smiled as she died right there in front of me. I failed her,' he choked out.

He turned to Sakura, his mismatched eyes drowning in grief.

'How could she do that to me?' He cried, and Sakura clutched him closer still, sobbing into his silver hair. After all this time, he was just like her. Underneath that mask he was her kindred spirit. He understood her pain.

'You're not a failure, Kakashi,' she whispered, trying to gulp in air as her sobs subsided. 'You're so strong. You've always been so strong for us. I never knew how strong you were until now.'

'They left me alone,' he said, so quietly that she almost thought she had imagined it.

She lifted his head, echoing his earlier gesture as she coaxed him into meeting her eyes.

'You're not alone anymore,' she vowed, her green eyes still glistening with tears. Her head ached as dehydration from alcohol and crying struck her but still she kept her gaze on his.

Sakura stroked one hand along his covered cheek. His mask was wet from his tears and she slowly began to tug it down, moving inch by inch so that he had plenty of time to stop her if he wished. It seemed that now he didn't mind as much, as soon it was hanging around his neck.

She moved closer to him, using the bottom of her shirt to tenderly wipe away the dampness on his face. When she was satisfied, she got up onto her knees and scooted closer, looking down at him. The moonlight gave little light, but she could still see his face reasonably well.

Tracing her fingers over his skin, she relished in every new discovery.

He had a strong jawline, and it was scratchy against her hands. She was surprised to realise that he would need to shave. She had never considered that before. She moved her questing hands to his mouth, His lower lip was fuller than his top lip and when he smiled shyly against her fingers, she could feel his dimples forming. She almost swooned.

She rocked back onto her heels to take in the full effect of his smile.

Her heart flipped as he smiled at the dumbfounded expression on her face. Why would he hide such an adorable smile? She wanted to see it every day for the rest of her life.

Why had it taken so long for him to open himself up to her, to finally allow her to see the real man behind the mast, both literally and figuratively? She had to know why.

'Why?' She asked him, moving her gaze back to his eyes.

He looked at her quizzically.

'Why now? Why today? Why after all these years is it only now that you have decided to show me your true self?' She demanded, rocking forwards again to grab his shirt.

His eyes widened at her sudden ire.

'I don't know. It never seemed right. You were my student,' he said, looking nervous now.

'I haven't been your student for seven years now, Kakashi. You never opened up. You never told me that you feel alone too,' she berated him.

'Too?' He questioned, feeling that they were finally coming to the heart of the matter. 'Do you feel alone, Sakura?'

'We're talking about you,' she snapped evasively, releasing his shirt and creating some distance between them.

'I want to talk about how you feel, Sakura. You're so sad and I want to help you,' he said earnestly. His hand came up to stroke her cheek with such sweet tenderness that she could feel herself breaking down again.

'If I feel alone it's because you all left me behind. Sasuke abandoned the village, and then Naruto left and then I didn't even have you, you dumped me on Tsunade and I didn't see any of you for years. And then Naruto came back and you came back from whatever you were doing and we got Sai and we were a team again, for a little while,' Sakura explained, feeling her heart break all over again. She had been so lonely and then it had seemed like everything would be ok.

'After the war you boys went off on your own more and more often. I haven't been on a mission with Team Kakashi in over a year,' she said resentfully.

'Has it been that long?' He mused ruefully, starting to understand why Sakura was upset. She had seemed happy in the hospital and they had thought that taking her from where she was needed and useful would only upset her. They had thought it was what she wanted, but now he could see how wrong they had been. She had only wanted to be with her team mates.

'I'm sorry,' he said. 'I had no idea we were hurting you.' There was sorrow in him now, and she could see it was genuine. They truly had not meant to leave her behind.

'I know,' she said, looking down at the ground. She had always known that they did not mean to hurt her, but that had not made the loneliness any less unbearable.

'You're not alone either,' Kakashi said fiercely, his eyes blazing with passion. 'I won't let you be alone anymore.'

Sakura's eyes widened. Did he even know what he was saying?

'Don't say things you don't mean,' she muttered. 'It's cruel.'

'I do mean it,' he growled. Sakura stared at his handsome face, at his lips narrowed in determination and his eyes glinting with an intense light. She wanted to believe him.

'You're drunk,' she dismissed him.

'Maybe,' he said, and now he looked a little sheepish, 'but I still want to see you smile again, for real, not the fake smile you've been flashing at me for so long now.'

Sakura blushed and turned her head away in embarrassment.

'Go on,' he coaxed. 'Smile for me.'

'Stop it,' she whispered, fighting against the muscles in her face.

He brought his hands up to her face, lifting up each side of her face. She giggled, feeling ridiculous.

'Kakashi,' she said, batting his hands away as she smiled at him warmly.

'There it is,' he whispered, equal parts shocked and thrilled. Something in the way she was smiling at him was making his heart beat faster, pumping adrenaline through his body. The urge to pull her closer and claim her mouth was overwhelming.

'Sakura,' he said quietly, intimately, as he moved his face closer to hers.

'What are you doing?' She whispered back, her own heart racing as well as her eyes dropped to his enticing lips, feeling the urge to close the distance between them.

'I don't know,' he murmured against her lips, caressing them softly with his own. She sighed into his mouth, smoothing her hands into his hair and relishing the feeling of his lips upon hers.

It was a slow, simmering fire, fed with each exchange of breath. He tasted of sake and tears as his tongue stroked hers languidly. She felt like she had all the time in the world to sit here and kiss this foolish, handsome, lonely man.

Eventually, he pulled away, his eyes glittering as he looked down at her.

She felt all of her sadness and frustration release in her chest and fade away. She didn't want to hold onto her resentment anymore. Sakura just wanted to kiss him again, forever. All she had wanted for months now was to be close to him, and now she was, and it was all she had been longing for and then some.

Sakura bit her lip, blushing as his intense scrutiny continued. This made him smile, and he caressed her cheek, pulling her to him for another sweet kiss.

Breaking away again, he got to his feet, pulling her up as well and hugging her tight to his chest. She revelled in their contact, nuzzling her nose into his jacket and inhaling deeply. Here, at last, was that elusive feeling she had been searching for. She felt like she had finally found the place where she belonged.

'You're not going to disappear on me, are you Kakashi?' She whispered into his chest, her eyes firmly closed.

'You know me too well, Sakura,' he laughed. He ruffled her hair, pulling away slightly so that he could give her a fond smile. 'No, not this time. I think I'm finally done with running away.'

She returned his smile, almost dizzy with the rush of emotions that flooded into her empty chest.

'Good.'


End file.
